5 days of prep, 11 days of clean-up, one day of evacuation, one day getting to my childhood home, two days of trying to rest unsuccessfully and regroup as best as one can, while watching the second storm hit from afar…20 days. How has it been 20 days since all of this started?
21 days ago, I had a picture in my mind of the days, weeks, and months ahead – so many of the details seemed assured and perfectly aligned. That is what we lost overnight – our clear vision of tomorrow. We are all experiencing an utter unknowing of what the future holds for us.
What we do know is that the future now involves rebuilding – as individuals, as an island, and as a community. In that rebuilding, we will all have a role to play. So many of us are just trying to figure out what that will be. It is decidedly easy to begin judging ourselves and others – Should I be doing this? Why are they doing that? It slips into the cracks that the fear and uncertainty have caused. Ultimately, I am trying to keep reminding myself that it is not for me to dictate or question someone else’s role – only to determine my own.
We have all suffered a trauma and people move through that experience in their own, very personal way. I am keenly aware that my way of processing may not be the best way for someone else. However, I share my process for those whom may find it helpful or comforting.
I have been trying to dig past the specifics of the day-to-day life that has been lost in order to regain my sense of purpose. Why did I do what I was doing in the first place? I want to make people feel better. And I can still do that. I want to write and perform music that encourages people. I can still do that. I want to be a contributing member of my loving St. John community. I can still do that. I want to promote love, kindness, and hope through my music and my actions. I can still do that.
With those intentions in mind, I feel more capable of carving out a clear path forward, one step at a time.
To all of my island family – my love for you is MASSIVE. Be kind to yourselves. Be gentle with one another. We will find our way. We will heal.